When I first worked with the circle of trees in my woods, called the Harmony medicine wheel, I would buy Her gifts. This place is the seat of the Feminine on the property where two creek beds come together. I found this beautiful pink heart shaped bowl at TJ Max, and I knew immediately She would love it! So, I nestled it in her sweet spot and there it remained for about three years.
It’s made of glass, and a year ago I started noticing cracks, and since then it began to break into pieces. While sitting in the medicine wheel earlier this week, she gently said to me: “it is time to mend your broken heart.” So I dug up it’s shattered pieces.
I have felt this broken heart as an intense emotional pressure, right in the middle of my chest. It’s origins elude me, but I sense it is layered from past lives to this one. Often when I watch a movie that has sadness, loss, or harm between a child and parent, that wolf comes and sits right in the middle of my chest and grabs my throat. It happened watching Black Snake Moan with Samuel L. Jackson and Christina Ricci the other night. They are two beat up people who help each other heal through tough love and compassion. A broken heart that never gets fixed will shatter into a multitude of pieces. It can still be fixed, but takes Will, and much more time and energy. Fortunately, I think I was in time with mine!
Mending a broken heart is not easy, nor does it come free. In fact, it is quite expensive. I costs the illusion that someone else “broke my heart.” Personally, it has always been expectations of another, or worse, the abandoning of myself to them, that has caused the heaviest of my heartbreak. It costs us our status as victim of yet another relationship that did not go the way we wanted it to. It also costs the addiction to endorphins: to being in love with that feeling of being in love. Healing a broken heart costs the infatuation with falling in love, and calls us instead to rise into love. Letting go of all these emotional structures is costly, but not nearly as costly as a heart that keeps breaking into smaller and smaller pieces. And what is gained from mending that broken heart is beyond measure.
So, I’m happy to say my heart is on the mend! And what that healed heart gives in return is an endless capacity to grow, and adapt, and love, and live a life that knows no bounds. A heart that has broken and healed has a tremendous gift of empathy for the pain of others. It has an ability to see beyond the moment. to the potential in all. Even with its scars, It holds water. Indeed an ocean will fit into a compassionately healed heart.
As I crawl into the proverbial bear cave at this winter solstice, healing my broken heart is my number one desire. I am grateful for the support of friends who come along just at the right moment radiating love from their hearts. And so, in the heart of my woods, a gift I bought Harmony, returns to the giver as a gift that keeps on giving. And I am open and receiving!